Sunday, September 12, 2010


I was very devistated about things that have been happening in my life with my employer, you see I have been on medical leave for almost a year (not exactly) and feel very much the "congrats! you are a worthless non conritbuting member of society! let me get you your 400 lbs of stupid forms to fill out where the designated place to write on the form is so small only Tinkerbell herself would write teeny enough.
Ok, I work for a particilar organization that is a really beautiful mandates missions and all there Eutopian ideas that they forget the "little guys". It's a high paced environment and we oft have people on temporary medical leave of absence to retreat and reacharge. When someone has that need, because we are used to giving so much of themselves that it is totally acceptable and after the person's welcomed back with open arms and very touchy-feeling support. I think that is great but my organization needs to get better at dealing which someone who has chronic physical limitations from chronic illness, you would think, that because we live so deeply together, that THEY SUCK AT IT!!

I go to every community event even though it may cost me the spoons for the next few days but seeing the joy of the people with disabilities i support, to hang out with new friends and assistants and get to know the new people in my community.

|I do hope that they get better at doing all this because although I may be the first assistant on medical leave that are not due to stress, they need to do better at treating me with respect.

This weekend my whole community when on our annual retreat, I was not asked to come, not invited, negatory, I haven't miss this retreat in 11 years. I was crushed! and worst of all, they just automatically voluntold my roomate (who works with the same lovely but #$$# up organization) to tell me I can't go. I couldn't go because I might be a liability because I'm sick, that's total and utter bollocks! The kicker was I wasn't allowed to go but one of the assistant's Gay Boyfriend was allowed to go.
I love the retreat because our whole community gets together, has fun, talent shows, small groups and it's a really great time to get to know others that you don't see very often.

Here is my feeling:
I was welcomed into a family, a family that promotes diversity, accountability and hopes to help people learn and be wise though the teachings of the people we support

I got sick, still running full speed. I tried really hard to keep up and do what I needed to do, even though it caused me so much tears and pain to do some of the simplest tasks like folding laundry.

I'm sick, I need to leave as much as I don't want to! I'm not quiting! I'm not dissatisfied with what I do, my body is physically not letting me! I want to scream because people always assume that you go on sick leave for mental stress. mine is just because my health is falling around me, crumbling like when a sandcaste meets the tide.

I am essentially kicked out of my community, barred, uninvited, abandoned, over something I have absolutly no control over!

Someone at the office said I need to call them to chat, what did I do now?! I'm not even working but I'm always in shit. yay for stress, it's really gonna be even greater for my health.

People can be so mean sometimes, unfeeling, I think others should experience so they will know how better to treat someone with an invisible illness/disability.

Praying things get sorted out and I can get less angry and people stop disinviting me!
God Bless you all!
REformed Anon Girl


Stitching For Serenity said...

I talk about people's non compassion a lot because it's the most cruel thing they can do or not do to us. I would never on my death bed wish this on anyone. You have to be made of some serious grit to go on with these diseases. I find in many cases, peoples stress may amp up when they quit but soon it amps down and you find a rythmn knowing you haven't spent all your spoons on the drive in to your job. Is disability a possibility for you? Hugs and love Tammy

Reformed Anon. Girl in Pain said...

Thanks Tammy!
Right now I am on Long Term Disability through my work insurance but I'm thinking about applying for provincial disability (called ODSP) because I don't think I will be able to work full time anymore, I just have too much pain and fatigue, I pushed through for 3 years before I had to go off work.
I may be able to work part time but I can't afford my meds and living expenses with part time wages. With ODSP my meds will be covered and that would be a load off in itself.
I have an appt Wednesday with my Occupational Therapist who is coming with me to my docs app at the end of the month to help me advocate because my doc isn't listening anymore to me.
I just wish I could fast forward to where this was all settled, I'd love to have some volunteer hours but can't on my insurance or with my health.
Thanks so much and God bless!
Soli Deo Gloria
REformed girl