As a little girl I'd play the game as most little girls do.
I'd sit on the lawn and pluck a perfect daisy from the ground.
he loves me, smile, thinking of a future boyfriend or having someone specific in mind, depending on the year.
he loves me not, frown, but sure that the daisy was right, he didn't love me, couldn't.
"NO ONE COULD EVER LOVE YOU!" the voice in my head would scream, sounding remarkably like my parents " your broken, disabled, ugly, stupid, hateful. no one will ever love you or want to be with you, who would want to date or marry a disabled girl, a stupid girl, a fat girl, a short girl? no-one! that's who!"
It's taken me a long time to tone down that inner voice of learned thoughts (not true thoughts), some days are still a waged battle warring in my head.
Trying to pick the perfect flower with the perfect amount of petals so the answer would always be "he loves me"
Trying to find that perfect flower is like trying to find a perfect man, completely suited to you, that is a daunting job, but not for God.
When you put away your childhood, you put away childish things, that game as well goes in a back closet of my mind but never quite forgotten.
But I have new daisies now, ones with half as many petals, every other petal is missing, the 'he loves me not' ones have mysteriously dissappeared.
Love blindsided me early one morning in December, well even before that I think.
it's not my doing.
it's not his doing.
It is a plan that only can be attributed to God. We praise Him for our relationship and give all glory to the one that made us.
I am smitten.
I am twitterpated.
I am a woman in love.
I never thought that would be me, I thought it was impossible for me. I was told it was impossible.
Nothing is impossible for God.
Soli Deo Gloria