Monday, March 21, 2011

Fighting flame

I just wrote this poem tonight, it kinda raw but I thought I'd post it and if it helps one person then I will be very happy.

Like hungry flames
pain laps at my soul
Not to be tamed

I lay curled and alone
In my silent hell
Answers unknown
Torture I can't quell

There is such anger
Never there before
Sadness will linger
My willpower's tore 

I don't know how many
Tears I have cried
Pleaded for any
Treatments I'd try

Pain gets worse 
When you are alone
Stuck with this curse
With my cries and moans

I'm not who I used to be
And I never will be again
It's so crushing to see
The loss of a friend

I miss the old me
I smiled, I laughed
The ability to be carefree
And not feel so trapped

The pain is a bully
Scaring friends away
Who don't understand fully
That I have to stay

I have no choice
I cannot leave
I have no voice
And no reprieve

I can't think through pain
And feel so stupid
Acting insane 
Looking so vapid

It's like a dense fog
Has captured my essence
Mired in a bog
Permanent convalescents 

The good thing about a fire
Is it dies itself out
But not on this pyre
It's not it's route

It sears and burns
Licking ravenously
For freedom I yearn
From blazing ceaselessly

How will I go on
What will I do
Most friends are gone
Any boyfriends are too

Who would want this
To live in this inferno
To jump into the abyss
To burn eternal

If I had the decision
To stay here or run
From a caregiver's mission
Or having some fun

I wouldn't choose me
So I don't blame them
I'd follow the lead
Of self saving men

Maybe some day
I'll figure this out
There may be a way
My mind's cluttered with doubt

If we find a way
To conquer this flame
We'll have a lot to say
And never be the same.

Now I curl inward
And wait for sleep
Pray to the Lord
Its my only release

In dreams I can move
Outside of the flames
Grace to prove
And thoughts of fame

I can flit and fly
And dance quiet sweetly
In the alabaster sky
Looping tightly

I feel so free
In dreams like these
I feel like me
No monster to appease 

But my eyes flutter open
I'm back again
To the land of hoping
For an end to pain

Like hungry flames
pain laps at my soul
Not to be tamed

Written by me on march 20th 2011 from 11pm-1am


LadySidi said...

So vivid...

Leti said...

Love the poem, and just started following you. I can relate.
By the way, my blog is called "Just being my random self." I love yours, and I use "random" a lot.