quiet little ways to say I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!

I'm nervous about my docs apointment tomorrow.

I have a chronic pain condition that is not currently diagnosed yet, it keeps getting blamed on my rare condition because....well.....it's rare. But it isn't that and I have fought really hard in the past year to advocate for myself.

I have a docs apointment tomorrow.

I set it up a few weeks ago because I had tests done last month and I know my docs office is busy and wouldn't get around to it if I didn't stay on their case.

So I am nervous NOT because she may tell me I have something wrong with me that is causing me pain, I already know that. I am nervous because she may tell me that I don't have anything wrong with me, like she has done a thousand times before.

*sigh* the hardest, most thoughtless words ever said to a person in chronic pain usually aren't even uttered aloud in words but actions that portray the the thought:

I don't believe you!

it can be said quietly or LOUDLY but it is said far too often in words and actions such as these:

- I've decided to not run any more tests, you have already used up enough taxpayers money with the first 3 that came back negative. (aparently it is forgotten that I pay taxes too!)

- I don't know what is causing your pain for the past year but no I won't treat the symptom of pain without knowing the cause (and I won't find out the cause because I've decided to not run any more tests)

- I'm sure it's just a normal part of old age. HA! 

- I'd hate to be too thorough now when you seem to be doing ok, lets see if it will get worse and then we'll try and see if we can find out what it is.

- it's probably just connected to your rare illness and I'm gonna call the specialist in TImbucktoo to see if he knows anything because I don't have any idea. I mean it's not my fault I don't have any other patients like you (duh? I thought that was the definition of rare lol)

Those are just a few of the many excuses I have gotten as to why the medical profession cannot be bothered.

I may seem really angry but I am not. Being in pain has taught me a lot, it has taught me to slow down and enjoy, it has taught me to pick my battles better and give up the rest, it has taught joy and it has brought me some of the best friendships in my life.

To all my friends on Second Life, if I hadn't had such a bad year, I would have been out enjoying my life and wouldn't have met such GREAT people and gotten so much closer to the Lord without His plan and this pain. 

I am thankful for this pain.

To all my friends on Facebook, I wouldn't have spent as much time as I have, getting to know you all, getting to love some of you very much.

I am blessed by this pain.

But do I want it to stay forever? HECK NO!

But I will gladly bow down before God and give thanks for my many blessings and lessons that He has taught me through this.

I will look to God's word to set me straight on being anxious and I will not fear, but live for today.

Matthew 6:25- 34 ESV Bible

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? [7] 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Soli Deo Gloria