I just wrote this poem tonight, it kinda raw but I thought I'd post it and if it helps one person then I will be very happy.
Like hungry flames
pain laps at my soul
Not to be tamed
Inextinguishable
I lay curled and alone
In my silent hell
Answers unknown
Torture I can't quell
There is such anger
Never there before
Sadness will linger
My willpower's tore
I don't know how many
Tears I have cried
Pleaded for any
Treatments I'd try
Pain gets worse
When you are alone
Stuck with this curse
With my cries and moans
I'm not who I used to be
And I never will be again
It's so crushing to see
The loss of a friend
I miss the old me
I smiled, I laughed
The ability to be carefree
And not feel so trapped
The pain is a bully
Scaring friends away
Who don't understand fully
That I have to stay
I have no choice
I cannot leave
I have no voice
And no reprieve
I can't think through pain
And feel so stupid
Acting insane
Looking so vapid
It's like a dense fog
Has captured my essence
Mired in a bog
Permanent convalescents
The good thing about a fire
Is it dies itself out
But not on this pyre
It's not it's route
It sears and burns
Licking ravenously
For freedom I yearn
From blazing ceaselessly
How will I go on
What will I do
Most friends are gone
Any boyfriends are too
Who would want this
To live in this inferno
To jump into the abyss
To burn eternal
If I had the decision
To stay here or run
From a caregiver's mission
Or having some fun
I wouldn't choose me
So I don't blame them
I'd follow the lead
Of self saving men
Maybe some day
I'll figure this out
There may be a way
My mind's cluttered with doubt
If we find a way
To conquer this flame
We'll have a lot to say
And never be the same.
Now I curl inward
And wait for sleep
Pray to the Lord
Its my only release
In dreams I can move
Outside of the flames
Grace to prove
And thoughts of fame
I can flit and fly
And dance quiet sweetly
In the alabaster sky
Looping tightly
I feel so free
In dreams like these
I feel like me
No monster to appease
But my eyes flutter open
I'm back again
To the land of hoping
For an end to pain
Like hungry flames
pain laps at my soul
Not to be tamed
Inextinguishable
Written by me on march 20th 2011 from 11pm-1am
Monday, March 21, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
I told you I was bad at this blogging thing!
hello friends!
I'm sorry that I've failed epically about writing my blog but I'm hoping to get back into it.
According to my day plan it's TECHY TUESDAY!! So I'm to share about a website I like or a gadget I love or want to try out.
Today I'd like to talk about my iPad! I really really REALLY like my iPad!! The things I find useful about it is that the keyboard on the touchscreen requires very little pressure which is good when my hands are sore. There are some awesome health apps (applications) that I use:
mymedical is a medical archiving app where you can store everything from current and past medications, test results, manage scheduling for docs appts, document allergies and unsuccessful meds
pillboxie which is for meds and gives you an alarm to remind you to take your meds, normally I don't need this because I'm used to taking meds since I've been taking many of them since I was 12 (20 years ago, man I feel old!) but I am really really REALLY bad at taking my nighty injection (which is weird since I've taken it from age 4-16 and then 28 to now so you'd think I'd remember) so it's been a great reminder. it's very easy to use and was developed by a RN.
Relaxing Ambiance lite is a free app that has relaxing music but the function I like best is there is a mixer soundboard where you can create your own version of ambient music, my fav combo is thunderstorm, rain and wind chimes and it has a timer so my ipad isn't running all night.
As far as games go I have lots of drawing apps, two fav music apps are smule magic piano which lets you play piano with people from around the world or just by yourself and Soundrop which is a cool app where this ball drops and you create lines and when the ball hits the lines it makes different notes, ok that one is hard to explain but I think if you look there is a free version to try called Soundrop lite.
I love my kindle app because I love reading and I love that you can make the font very large and make it white writing on black which is really helpful with my learning disability.
I also enjoy listening to audiobooks on my iPad and have downloaded a few movies when they were on sale for $4.99 like Annie and RENT.
So that's my techy tuesday, I know there are more benefits of my iPad but I can't think of anymore at this time!! Brainfooooog! I need a lighthouse! If I think of anymore I will put them in the comments!
God bless you!
ChroniclyRandom
I'm sorry that I've failed epically about writing my blog but I'm hoping to get back into it.
According to my day plan it's TECHY TUESDAY!! So I'm to share about a website I like or a gadget I love or want to try out.
Today I'd like to talk about my iPad! I really really REALLY like my iPad!! The things I find useful about it is that the keyboard on the touchscreen requires very little pressure which is good when my hands are sore. There are some awesome health apps (applications) that I use:
mymedical is a medical archiving app where you can store everything from current and past medications, test results, manage scheduling for docs appts, document allergies and unsuccessful meds
pillboxie which is for meds and gives you an alarm to remind you to take your meds, normally I don't need this because I'm used to taking meds since I've been taking many of them since I was 12 (20 years ago, man I feel old!) but I am really really REALLY bad at taking my nighty injection (which is weird since I've taken it from age 4-16 and then 28 to now so you'd think I'd remember) so it's been a great reminder. it's very easy to use and was developed by a RN.
Relaxing Ambiance lite is a free app that has relaxing music but the function I like best is there is a mixer soundboard where you can create your own version of ambient music, my fav combo is thunderstorm, rain and wind chimes and it has a timer so my ipad isn't running all night.
As far as games go I have lots of drawing apps, two fav music apps are smule magic piano which lets you play piano with people from around the world or just by yourself and Soundrop which is a cool app where this ball drops and you create lines and when the ball hits the lines it makes different notes, ok that one is hard to explain but I think if you look there is a free version to try called Soundrop lite.
I love my kindle app because I love reading and I love that you can make the font very large and make it white writing on black which is really helpful with my learning disability.
I also enjoy listening to audiobooks on my iPad and have downloaded a few movies when they were on sale for $4.99 like Annie and RENT.
So that's my techy tuesday, I know there are more benefits of my iPad but I can't think of anymore at this time!! Brainfooooog! I need a lighthouse! If I think of anymore I will put them in the comments!
God bless you!
ChroniclyRandom
Monday, October 4, 2010
my absence, October 04th, 2010
Sorry I've not been posting, my housemate and one of my best friends was getting ready for major surgery today and I was spending the weekend with her. She just got out of surgery, she was in from 9am to 4pm and is now in her room. Hearing her voice was the best gift ever!
Praise God, You are so very good! Thank you for guiding her to very talented and patient, hard working doctors, Thank You for the skills you have given them!
I've been bawling and worried and emotional and going on 1/2 hour sleep last night, so it's safe to say I'm a bit unworried about daily posting, I will, however, try to post backlogs now that the crisis is over.
Please continue to pray that she does well and that the staff are filled with compassion, grace, care and strength. Give her comfort Lord, I just cannot praise You enough!
Soli Deo Gloria
REformed girl
Praise God, You are so very good! Thank you for guiding her to very talented and patient, hard working doctors, Thank You for the skills you have given them!
I've been bawling and worried and emotional and going on 1/2 hour sleep last night, so it's safe to say I'm a bit unworried about daily posting, I will, however, try to post backlogs now that the crisis is over.
Please continue to pray that she does well and that the staff are filled with compassion, grace, care and strength. Give her comfort Lord, I just cannot praise You enough!
Soli Deo Gloria
REformed girl
Friday, October 1, 2010
October 1st, 2010
Fiesta Chicken (or Tofu)
1 teaspoon olive oil
2 boneless skinless chicken breast (or firm cubed tofu, or you could use steak)cubed
1 green or red pepper, diced
3 green onions, chopped
1 can of tomato soup and 1 can water (you can use canned diced tomatoes if tomato soup has gluten in it and you are GF)
1 cup salsa (I like mild Pace brand salsa)
1 can corn
cooked rice
shredded old white cheddar (or other cheese) to taste
1) saute chicken, peppers and onions in olive oil in a large skillet until cooked
2) add salsa and tomato soup with water and canned corn, simmer for 10 minutes
3) put some rice in a shallow bowl, add fiesta chicken on top
4) add as much or as little cheese on top as you'd like!
5) enjoy the party in your mouth! FIESTA!!
Happy eating!
God you are so good to nourish our souls and give us strength, joy and love. Thank you so much much for our farmers and our food!
Soli Deo Gloria
REformed Girl
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Sept 30th, 2010
Hello dear readers,
First of all, I'd like to ask you once again to pray with me, my friend Christopher is moving today, I hope that his move goes well and everything goes smoothly, I hope God gives him and his former roomate grace as they say goodbye. I pray that the family who is welcoming Christopher is warm, gracious and welcoming!
Thankful Thursday!
It just occurred to me that I don't have to write everything I'm thankful for, that would take a very long time to write, and for you to read!!
- I'm thankful for modern medical science, for the meds who keep me going, or mostly going!! lol
- for being a creative person, having a creative outlet
This is a creative pic of my meds that I take in a week, using my two things I'm thankful about together today! :)
What are you thankful for?
Have a thankful day!
Soli Deo Gloria
REformed Girl
First of all, I'd like to ask you once again to pray with me, my friend Christopher is moving today, I hope that his move goes well and everything goes smoothly, I hope God gives him and his former roomate grace as they say goodbye. I pray that the family who is welcoming Christopher is warm, gracious and welcoming!
Thankful Thursday!
It just occurred to me that I don't have to write everything I'm thankful for, that would take a very long time to write, and for you to read!!
- I'm thankful for modern medical science, for the meds who keep me going, or mostly going!! lol
- for being a creative person, having a creative outlet
This is a creative pic of my meds that I take in a week, using my two things I'm thankful about together today! :)
What are you thankful for?
Have a thankful day!
Soli Deo Gloria
REformed Girl
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Sept 29th, 2010
today's post for "weakling Wednesday" is going to be a short one as I am stressed up to my EYEBALLS!
- I am being audited by the federal government because of my medical claims in the past year because this is the first year I have claimed my medical expenses. I just didn't know I could up til last year. so all my time is currently towards that, getting letters and documents from doctors, and they (the government) only gives you a MONTH to send in your receipts! Do they NOT know that doctors NEVER work that quickly. I wrote the letters for my General Practitioner as I have been asking for a letter to claim the patient conventions I do to since last spring!
- I have a docs appt tomorrow and my OT is coming with me, she (the OT) doesn't understand that I feel like crap most of the time and she's been harping on me to "get out of the house" more often, easier said than frikken done! I look fine therefore I must feel fine, I wish it worked like that! *sigh* she wants me to go back to work as a volunteer but I know that is codewords for "we wanna send your butt back to work since you've been off for almost a year" but nothing has changed since last year. I still have WILDLY unregulated sleep schedules, pain and fatigue. If I could go back to work, I would! I'd gladly trade this stoopid body and jump back in. My heart hurts, I miss it so much!
- my housemate is having surgery (to remove a throat tumour)on Monday in the city near here, but it's far enough away that I will probably have to stay home and won't know how she is doing. I'm beyond anxious about it!! I'd rather have surgeries than watch someone else! please pray for her, the doc and me and her daughter!
ok back to work on taxes!!
Soli Deo Gloria
REformed girl
- I am being audited by the federal government because of my medical claims in the past year because this is the first year I have claimed my medical expenses. I just didn't know I could up til last year. so all my time is currently towards that, getting letters and documents from doctors, and they (the government) only gives you a MONTH to send in your receipts! Do they NOT know that doctors NEVER work that quickly. I wrote the letters for my General Practitioner as I have been asking for a letter to claim the patient conventions I do to since last spring!
- I have a docs appt tomorrow and my OT is coming with me, she (the OT) doesn't understand that I feel like crap most of the time and she's been harping on me to "get out of the house" more often, easier said than frikken done! I look fine therefore I must feel fine, I wish it worked like that! *sigh* she wants me to go back to work as a volunteer but I know that is codewords for "we wanna send your butt back to work since you've been off for almost a year" but nothing has changed since last year. I still have WILDLY unregulated sleep schedules, pain and fatigue. If I could go back to work, I would! I'd gladly trade this stoopid body and jump back in. My heart hurts, I miss it so much!
- my housemate is having surgery (to remove a throat tumour)on Monday in the city near here, but it's far enough away that I will probably have to stay home and won't know how she is doing. I'm beyond anxious about it!! I'd rather have surgeries than watch someone else! please pray for her, the doc and me and her daughter!
ok back to work on taxes!!
Soli Deo Gloria
REformed girl
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Techy Tuesday, Sept 28/10
dearest friends,
I'm not feeling so great today so I'll just leave this nugget of wisdom with you! lol! This website www.vat19.com never fails to make me giggle. Happy Shopping!
Soli Deo Gloria
REformed girl
I'm not feeling so great today so I'll just leave this nugget of wisdom with you! lol! This website www.vat19.com never fails to make me giggle. Happy Shopping!
Soli Deo Gloria
REformed girl
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
